No Longer Broken – Maybe?

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My aunt died yesterday.  It was the 17 year anniversary of my grandmother, her mothers, death.  The day before, was her birthday.  She turned 45.  Lung cancer killed her.  It was not caught early, at all, and it had moved to her brain, her adrenal glands, her liver.  Through chemo and radiation, the tumors just kept getting bigger.  I am glad she is out of pain.  She survived 6 months after she found out.  She died peacefully, in her sleep.

She is survived by her 19 year old daughter and her 15 year old son.  Her daughter has aspergers, and she has not made it to a point where she can live by herself, so my other aunt will take both children. 

I am going between numbness and crying.

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Ok, I don’t even know what to write anymore, so I am going to put in a bulleted list I think, of what is going on.

  • My mom just had surgery.  Like, Tuesday.  She is not recovering well, and they can’t control her pain, so they are about to do a ton of tests.  It was back surgery.
  • My aunt, the one with cancer, she is due to die anyday I have been told.
  • I am not ovulating.  I am to test to make sure, but the dr thinks I have stopped for some reason.  I am to do opk’s for 3 months, and then we will go from there.  He is talking clomid.  He thinks he can get me pregnant sometime in the next 6 months.  Then its a matter of keeping it.
  • My dr said today that one more miscarriage might mean that G.od is ready for me to be done.  Now, if I believed miscarriages were any deity’s way of telling me no kids, I wouldn’t have the two I have.  he is not my OB, thank goodness.
  • We are controlling my fibro with neuro.tin.  I don’t know what that means in terms of pregnancy, but I could not handle the pain.
  • I had a headache that had me in the ER last week, that sucked.
  • School is going crappy.  I am really disliking my classes.  I worked in so many office jobs without needing these classes.  Now I have to take them for my degree to go get a job.
  • I like to whine.  See above.
  • The boychild learned to ride his bike without training wheels.  I never thought that would happen.
  • The girlchild is cute.  That is all.
  • We went to the zoo with my mom last week before she had surgery.  we had to leave early.  At least we got to ride the train.
  • Speaking of the train, I will leave this post with a picture from the train.  So if you have been following my the whole time, you will enjoy seeing what the kids are growing up into.

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