No Longer Broken – Maybe?

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Different Perspective

Watching the kids I am watching right now, I am getting a whole different look on parenthood than the one I have.  I am taking care of a 3 year old and a 6 month old.  We’ll start with the 6 month old.

He is a bottle fed baby.  Was never breastfed.  Ok, I know that this is a personal choice, and I am a strong believer in breastfeeding, I’m not a lactavist, and I leave each to their own.  I am however, realizing that I am so so pleased that I was able to breastfeed.  I never had to deal with my kids crying when they woke up while I had to go make a bottle.  I never had to measure in the dark (I get the kids at 4 in the morning sometimes, it’s interesting).  My babies were cuddlier, though that probably has more to do with my own parenting than anything else, this baby, I am finding out, spends most of its time at home in its carrier.  Today I found out that that is where he sleeps through the night.  I am in shock.  Today I am going and buying a bouncer, because he loves to stand, and I think he will love it.  It will be good for being here as well.  I make sure he gets lots of floor time too.  He just starting rolling over last month, and I could have sworn that my kids rolled sooner, so that surprised me too.  It sure is an eye opener.

Then the 3 year old.  This one makes me look at my own and feel LUCKY.  It also shoves in my face that she is probably a bit advanced for her age.  Either that or this three year old is very behind.  I find myself saying oh, really, yeah, and stuff when she wants a response while I try to figure out what she is saying.  And she doesn’t listen, she just stares at me.  And she is LOUD.  But the language.  My girl talks in full sentences.  The one I am taking care of, doesn’t.  Here’s an example.  Monday we had a snow day.  We played in the snow.  My girl, “I threw a snowball at daddy.  It was fun out there but it was cold.  I am freezing.  Give me hot chocolate.”  (She’s not very polite, we’re working on that.  She is very demanding.”  The other girl.  “Me snow, me threw snowball.  Me cold.  Me had fun.  Me want hot chocolate.”  You still have to figure out the words that she is saying, but I am getting better at that, but the way she talks, no I’s, all me’s.  I think that is normal though, right?  My girl never did that.  She never used this kind of language.

Sometimes I watch them and wonder if I really want another one.  If I wasn’t aware of how different your own are from others, I would say that for me, watching other people’s children would be great birth control.  I enjoy it, I have a good time with it, but I also am happy when they go home.  Then I remember that your own is different.  Also, there is more love, and you don’t get them at 6 months, and teething, or at 3 and well, 3 is rough no matter what.  I think that if you got your children at age three normally, then we would die out.  I wouldn’t want to start at the terrible three’s haha.

 

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No longer employed

I just left my job.  I really hated it, I hated the way I was treated, I hated the way everyone was treated.  I had to take an anxiety pill just to go to work.  Heck, I just had to pop an anxiety pill in order to go in and quit.  I was only working 9 hours a week anyhow, and yes, that is still 80 dollars a week, but in the end, it wasn’t worth it to have to deal with.  I am taking in a little bit of babysitting on the side to supplement my income and already have one gig lined up.  With someone I worked with.  Her looking for a sitter was my final push to quitting.

I’ve worked when pregnant before, but never in the first trimester, not without losing the baby.  Maybe this is superstition, this not wanting to work while trying to get pregnant.  I think the stress of my job, while it shouldn’t have been that stressful, probably didn’t help much.

I told my second to the highest manager to stay in touch.  It was her I quit to.  She is just discovering her own infertility.  She hasn’t had a period since she was 14, and she is 27 now.  I am directing her to doctors and where to look online.  She says she has spotted and such, but not really had any real period.  She wants to be a mom really bad, and I get that.  I hurt for her.  I was friends with her before the job, so I will be able to continue to talk to her no problem.  I did let her know that the manager who is pregnant now, due when I am, who announced while I was still miscarrying was part of the reason I was leaving.  I made it out to be all me, and nothing to do with the fact that she has let her hormones make her into a bitch (I am not alone in that thought, btw.)

Well, I am off to make my collard greens for dinner.  May this year be better than last, though I know I have a death in my future, when it comes to my aunt, so it probably won’t be.

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