No Longer Broken – Maybe?

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Mortality

Yesterday was a rough day for those of us who consider the people we meet in the blogosphere as some of our closest friends.  We lost a wonderful woman, a wonderful mother, and well, someone most of us considered a friend.  She always had words of encouragement when you needed them, and while her life was falling apart around her, she was always fought, she fought for herself, she fought for her kids, and she had just started becoming happy again.  She had finally met a guy who accepted her, and one of her final posts was about how happy she was.

Then yesterday, we all woke up to an announcement on Facebook that she had passed on in her sleep, of an apparent heart attack.  It was a shock, so say the least, and most of us openly grieved her, missing that person who had been a part of our lives for so long. I had known her for about 8 years, when I was blogging before I had Aiden.

We found each other because both of us were dealing with infertility, and when I met her, she had not had gastric bypass yet, but she wanted it, and she found me, who had already had it.  We discussed the surgery, and how well it went for me, and all the possible complications.  She had it, and started losing the weight, and then she got pregnant with twins.  She was so happy with life at the time.

We continued talking, and we both found out we were accidentally pregnant, without having to go through what we went through to get our first babies.  My pregnancy went fairly well, while she gave birth at 30 weeks.  While she was in the hospital on bedrest, I sent her books to read, because I knew she was having money issues, and we read the same kind of books.  The last book I sent her was one I wanted to read so bad, it was the newest in a series we both were reading.  I had enough money for one copy at that time, and I made sure it went to her.

We continued to talk on a fairly constant basis after that.  I cried with her her husband left her, having gone through that myself.  I talked to her when she needed me. I texted her when I was out and about, trying to help make her not feel so alone.  When she lost custody, I allowed her to cry on my “shoulder”, online as it was.

As she started coming out about her fibro pain, we discussed that as well, as I suffer from Fibro as well.  We talked about the addiction to pain pills, to anxiety pills.  We both went through the same thing when we got our meds, we also went through the same things when it came to what people thought of us.  We were able to discuss the addiction, and also how to deal with others attitudes towards us because of the addictions.  We tried to discuss ways to control the pain, and the feelings of being out of control with different methods.  At times, it felt like she was the only one who understood what I was going through, and she said the same for me.

Life without her around will be less now. I will miss her terribly.  She was the one person I felt I could be the most me around.  No one else in my life has made me feel like that, she was the only one that didn’t judge me.

Now to be judgmental on myself.  She was 4 months younger than me, and with her passing on, I got stuck thinking about my own mortality.  Until Geoff gets back, I am a single mom, with 2 kids at home.  I am anti-social enough that if I didn’t talk to anyone for a few days, no one would even think twice about it.

I worried about this a lot when Aiden was just a year old, and Bart had left us, and I knew no one.  I always worried I would die, and what would he do?  I had nightmares about it.  It was my one and only fear at that time.  It went away over time, but now it is back in full force.

Luckily, now, Aiden is old enough that we were able to go over a plan for what happens if mommy gets really sick.  We talked about it last night.  I didn’t want to scare the kids, and say, this is what you need to do if mommy doesn’t wake up one morning, and stuck with me being really sick.  I showed Aiden how to unlock the cell phone, how to call 911, how to call my best friend and my mom, and then what apartments around us to go to after that, to get an adult here right away.

It was a conversation I hated having with them, but it needed to get done.

I hate that my friend is no longer with us, I hate that her kids will no longer have her, but I will be honest, I hope that she is no longer with pain, and now able to watch down on her kids whenever she wants. I hope that she will find a happiness in the Summerlands, that she was not able to find here.

I love you Milenka, and while you left us too early, I am glad that I got to be a part of your life for the last 8 years.

 

 

 

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From FB

This is from a conversation I had on Facebook earlier today.  Everyone who is titled Friend hasn’t slept with Bart.  Everyone who’s name is on here has.  We all have the same hatred towards him.  I am shocked at what he is doing now, and how little he cares for the kids, but just for himself.

ME

OMG Bart is trying to get the kids attached to his new girlfriend, who still lives in PA, and he hasn’t met in person yet, and when I told them today not to get attached, because this will be the third woman since I left him, and they said that they are allowed to get attached, because dad plans on marrying her and being with her a very long time. I hate that man, and the fact that he doesn’t think about the kids or their emotions at all. It is not good for them to be introduced to woman after woman, and asked to get attached. Already they will not be having any overnights or anything like that, until I am comfortable with this woman, and make sure she lasts longer than the less than a month the last one lasted, and they will be having Wednesday nights here and Saturday afternoons when they can take the kids to the park, which is what I give him for visitation when he is homeless, or is living someplace unsafe for the kids, or when he wants to jump into a new relationship with no regard to how it will make the kids feel. And since our custody arrangement for both kids is that Bart will get visitation that I deem reasonable as long as there is 24 hour notice. Which means I don’t have to give out weekends, or holidays, or school breaks. And I have sole custody too. He also said that if he marries this one (she has already changed her last name to Washburn on FB, she is 24) and has kids with her, then he would be ok with me moving to England with the kids if I wanted, because he would have a new family to raise.

Friend

Get that “agreement” in writing. What a tool. And a fool.

Me

I am going to get it in writing as soon as I can. I know he won’t give it to me until he has met her in person, which isn’t until the 1st.

Friend

goddfuckingdamnit.

Me

He is a piece of work, that is for sure.

Friend

He hasn’t met her and he’s talking marriage? That’s nuts.

Nikki

um i don’t even know if there are any words to describe this

Me

She turns 25 next month, but that is still a 20 year age difference. I don’t think there are words either. I am shocked that she has changed her name already. Yesterday when he changed his relationship status to being with her, the other one he brought over here and left on the street, started making comments along with his daughter, and neither one was being kind in the least. So far, my kids are the only kids that don’t hate him. Though Aiden already said his dad was a bad man.

Tamiy

Wow. Well being the first woman he brought around, at least I loved those kids as my own. Still do. I’m just glad I didn’t allow any more crap to happen than the 7 women he was with while being with me. Ugh. He is special, The man should come with a warning label and a box of disease tests.

Nikki

ik.i read the comments n found it funny in a sad sort of way

ME

I agree. If a warning label could be tattoo’d on his head. Where everyone could see it. And in such a way he could not cover it up. You were around the longest Tamiy, but you still saw how I didn’t allow the kids to the trailer park, and I made sure to get to know you before I allowed overnights and weekends. I already know I don’t trust him, it would be better if I could at least trust the woman. Though with one of her “friends” warning Bart about Angie, and her child abusing ways, stating that Angie hurt her son (not Angie’s son, the person giving the warning) and left marks on him. I wish I had proof of that, because I could use it to make sure there was no alone time while she was in the picture.

Nikki

haha.a warning label wouldn’t work……not like anyone believes the warnings anyways

ME

It’s sad he still thinks he has a chance with Addi, and that he can turn her hate around. What he doesn’t get is that by not spending any time with her, nor calling her, except to make it look good to who he is with, and her being able to watch her brothers hate him, because they were also ignored, she will never have a good relationship with him. All she sees is a sperm donor who never thought it important to see her or spend time with her. She realizes she was replaced by my kids, especially Ciera, and if he has kids with this new one, especially a girl, my kids will find themselves replaced as well.

Tamiy

Yeah. I am worried about Aiden and Ciera’s safety. Is he having her talk to the kids while he is at your house? It was gross that she was sending him naked photos while they were watching a movie together. And we all know he has no problem having sex in front of the kids. I wouldn’t allow it.

Tamiy

My new system? An application including phone numbers of exes so I can better screen the next guy who gets near me.

Tamiy

I can’t afford to have another “Bart” Of course my first prerequisite is having most of his teeth and not believing that he can see the future or control the weather. LOL

ME

Yeah, true. I’ve tried warning them all, but no one ever listens. One of Sue’s comments yesterday that made me laugh was that now she was thinking that perhaps the reasons for his divorces might have actually been him. It’s like DUH! All of his divorces were his fault. All of his relationship failures are his fault. Getting fired from jobs is his fault. All of the restraining orders were his fault. One you look at something like that, you can look at the common denominator, and it is Bart. So, it should be obvious that it really is Bart’s fault, not everyone elses. Of course, no one believes that until they get the joy that is being abused by him.

ME

Oh yeah, the controlling the weather thing. He took the kids out yesterday, and let me know that he stopped the storm for as long as he could, so that the kids could have more outside time, and I could have more time to sleep. When I met him, he had his teeth, so that part wasn’t something I could have screened out.

Tamiy

Abused mentally, physically, and emotionally. I think he has finally given me a good reason to start batting for the other team. LOL

Nikki

aiden already feela replaceable i feel sad for sissy she will hurt the most bart is a sick pervert its that simple Tamiy i think an application is a great idea.haha

ME

So far I think he is just showing pictures to them, but I will ask if he has been having them talk on the phone. I already told him that I wasn’t going to just off and let them have the kids for weekends if he got a place, and that I was going to continue to be strict when it came to screening these women. I screened Sue and didn’t allow her back in my house, and before that told Bart there would be no overnights while he was with her. She was that horrible, and she was mean to Ciera, and I won’t stand for that.

Tamiy

It is shocking how perverted he is. I knew he was a bit before we broke up but what I learned afterwards…I was sick to my stomach for days.

Nikki

my god thats.horrible no one should be mean to a child

ME

Aiden is so very happy to have a stepdad that loves him. He tells Geoff he loves him and misses him all the time. When he was at camp, he wrote me and Geoff a letter. Bart was upset when he saw it, commenting that he now saw where he rated in Aiden’s life, and I told him that he did that to himself, and that Aiden loves having a dad who thinks he is worth it. Geoff is closer to Aiden than Ciera, but both kids love him to death, and I think that in the long run, it will help them heal from what Bart is doing and has done to them.

ME

Well, that is why I told Sue she was too old. If you can’t look like you are 15-21, then he doesn’t want you.

Tamiy

Honestly I wouldn’t let them have overnights at all. Not unless you are really okay with Ciera sleeping with him every night. I tried to stop as much of the behavior towards her as I could.

Tamiy

Yeah, I was much too old for his taste. He just saw money.

Nikki

i agree i am so glad geoff is such a wonderfull dad to them and tamiy I wad pretty.disgusted when I found out to unfortunately I found.out the hard way n not by choice

Friend

OMG

ME

He will go with anyone who has money. Angie is on disability, so that means she has income no matter what. So does Sue, but He couldn’t handle her screaming at him all the time, plus living in the van, plus having the 3 animals she brought. I do have to say, if I was Bart, I would have gotten rid of Sue asap too, but not in the way he did it. I mean, he texted her that he had a new girlfriend named Angie, and that she would be here by the 1st, so she was on her own

Tamiy

A friend told me that if she is mentally or physically disabled that it is illegal for him to just drop her off and not help her get back home and that Bart could get arrested for it if it got reported.

ME

Yeah, but who is going to report him? He is dropping her off, no problem, and she is either mentally or physically disabled, but I would say mentally from meeting her. I wish I knew if the law was true, I would send her the info and have her do it.

Nikki

tamiy thats true

Tamiy

Just tell her to call the non emergency police number and tell her to mention that she is mentally or physically disabled with therapy pets.

Tamiy

When did he leave her?

Sarah

Omg bart moved me and the boys to Kent then got me prego w addi and then left me while taking a shit lol..seriously ..he’s like I’m not in love with you anymore I’m in lov!e w someone else.he’s a piece of work that’s for sure

ME

He plans on having all the rest of her stuff to her tomorrow, then washing his hands of her. I guess she already has a new guy who is interested, so who knows.

Tamiy

Yes he is Sarah. I talk to Addi. She is so angry. I hope you don’t mind. I try to be someone she can just talk to and say anything.

Tamiy

Ugh. Did she send him the pic of the belly button piercing? He won’t be interested long.

Tamiy

She’s like Janice from Friends with that screechy annoying as hell voice.

ME

Yeah, I am so glad that you have a new man in your life Sarah. One who is decent and everything you deserve. Bart has no idea what the word commitment means, not does he understand how not to be an abusive SOB.

Tamiy

There were sounds outside my window all night last night and I laid there and kept praying please don’t let it be him.

ME

Nah, he is sleeping in his van in Saginaw. He wont even share the hotel she is staying in with him.

Sarah

Thanks tamiy I’m glad to anyone who is kind to my daughter.. she’s an awesome kid

Tamiy

That she is. I’ve always been drawn to her. I never tried talking to the boys. Bart convinced me that they hated him so much they wouldn’t talk to me. Although he told me that Addi loved him so much that she wouldn’t want to talk to me because talking to him was more important. Well she’s talking to me and not him now.

Sarah

I did find an amazing kind man who my kids look up to. Evans learning how to be a real man from Erin…he said that..makes he happy

Tamiy

Bart came back from the trip to Washington and was telling me about it. Told me about Erin and how happy you looked and then says, “I wish I could find that with someone.”

Tamiy

Also that he was a little upset that not everyone was wanting to be around him (meaning you pining away for him I think).

Sarah

Oh bart said he has a bad feeling about Erin…okay bart lol..he’s just jealous

Tamiy

Yeah. With his amazing way of touching someone and knowing them inside and out. Bleh. The man needs a padded cell.

ME

Bart said he has a bad feeling about Geoff too. He even went so far as to call Aiden’s school and report that he thought Geoff was hurting Aiden. Aiden told him school that Geoff was awesome, and that it was his dad that was mean to him. Both Aiden and Ciera call him Bart unless he is around, and they they call him dad, but they consider Geoff to be their dad now, and they love him, and miss him, and call him dad. Bart’s sister Debbie keeps telling him to get custody away from me, and to call CPS and call the cops, and tell them that I am a danger to the kids, that Geoff is a danger to the kids, and that with my bipolar disorder, that the kids should not be raised by me.

ME

Sarah – Bart’s family was always telling him to take custody away from you when he was with me as well. I was there and saw and heard it. They are always so mean to him, and make sure everyone knows they don’t like him, but then they go on these rampages of trying to get him to take the kids away from their mothers, I don’t get it. They are worse with me than they ever were with you, in regards to trying to get Bart to take the kids, I have emailed proof that Debbie was walking Bart through how to take custody away from me. Thing is, he only wants custody of Ciera, not Aiden.

ME

He does need a padded cell. I ignored his little quirks, but I was always afraid he would pass them on to the kids. And Bart always thinks that the women in his life, past and current, should pine for him. One of the reasons he is still stuck on me is because I left him, not the other way around, and he isn’t used to that, he hasn’t had that happen, at least not for a long time. As you said, Tamiy, for him you were just an easy replacement. You were my age, with kids the same sexes and ages as mine, so you made it so that he could pretend that he still had his little family, even if it wasn’t with me and my kids. I think that Bart started wanting less to do with you, and started looking outside the box, for other women, when you lost having the kids all the time. And he is a massive cheater. I don’t think he has had a single relationship where he has been faithful. Except maybe Sue, and that is just because that ended so fast he didn’t have a chance to cheat, unless you count the texts to Angie, and I guess you would, since he is bringing her over now as the perfect woman for him. And he was texting her and more while he was with you too Tamiy. He really really is a piece of work. I just wish karma would hurry up and kick him in the butt. Hell, he’s almost enjoying the being homeless thing, so that doesn’t count.

ME

Yeah well. I’m thinking she is going to get here and he will realize that she looks too old. She doesn’t look 24 at all. I just pray karma is done with me for a while and maybe go visit him. He has come out ahead on everything. I wish just once he would get knocked down a couple pegs.

ME

I don’t understand how he always comes out ahead. He talks people into giving him money, he takes the women he is in a relationship with, and has them get rid of their friends, and distances them from their families. He makes sure that they have no one and nothing to depend on except for him, unless, of course, he wants you to ask your family for money. He is abusive mentally, physically, and sexually, and yet when I got a restraining order on him, with 6 witnesses, they still listened to him and believed him and his sob story. I am hoping that if he actually contests yours Tamiy, that you get a judge that can see through his bullshit and tears. I am hoping he is more angry when he goes in for yours, and less sob, sob, she is taking my kids away from me, and they are the only thing that brings meaning to my life thing that he did with mine. You don’t have kids with him, so he can’t exploit that like he did with me.

Frosty

Just wow, Kris. Just wow. this is all I have to say on every comment combined so far. The man needs a padded cell and various other punishments.

ME

I’m just glad I got the strength to say ENOUGH and leave him. It took me a lot longer than it should have, and I regret that, but at least I did it. And to top it off, I am getting my friends and family back, which is nice. I didn’t realize just how cut off I was before that.

 

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